Miraculous

Let me start by saying that I usually weigh my words carefully, at least when given the opportunity (maybe you should just read that as follows: I take a long time to think and write things). So when it comes to the M word - miracle, that is - I question whether it's an appropriate use of the word. I have a sort of dichotomy in my mind for miracles. First, there are biblical-type miracles that God uses for the affirmation of His messengers and His message. I also believe that the term can be legitimately used in regard to matters where God's intervention to achieve a particular outcome is highly evident. An example of this latter use of the word miracle would be the salvation of a person. The event would not have occurred without Divine intervention. In this sense it is possible to experience miraculous events in our own lives.

For several years I have struggled with varying degrees of depression. About a year ago I reached a low point when I could barely make a decision regarding anything. I even agonized over choosing between two similar products while shopping. It was bad. This past fall I confided in someone about it, saying that I was ready to deal with it. Well, it turns out that I wasn't as ready as I thought. And I put it off. When I applied for a 1 year missionary position, I mentioned the depression and not having done anything to treat it. The mission organization decided wisely that it was in my interest to have it worked on before agreeing to send me overseas. It was a disappointment in the form of a "not yet" answer combined with a swift kick in the pants to get me to do something instead of just being stuck at this point in life indefinitely. I've started seeing a psychologist. And talking to people more. And trying to have a social life after it crumbling to unrecognizable pieces last year. And running. And I'm on day two of being a new creation. I'm not saying that it's any one of those factors or even the combination but rather the result of God acting in His mercy and timing.

A close friend told me that I needed to look to God and stop staring at my circumstances. My response was that I was trying but was unable, and I was so weary of what I'd been doing. I praise my Creator and Redeemer, for He alone has the power to save me - not only from literal Hell but from my figurative hell also. Why have I been at this job for so long with no sight of moving on? Perhaps it is that I have not been the kind of witness that my coworkers need. And this change may be something noticeable to them, a new part to my testimony. I have true joy now and I can show it. My burden has been removed! Even if this were to be temporary, it is a greater joy than I have known in quite some time. This change in my life is something that I could not accomplish, but through God it is possible. To me, this is something miraculous. To Jesus Christ be the glory forever and ever!