Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Failure

When I think of failure, it's usually as a result of not working or trying hard enough. If I say that I failed, it's probably because I didn't do something right. Somehow it all comes back to being my responsibility. Lately I've been hearing a different message. I've failed time and again, yes, but it's not from lack of trying.

I'm results-driven and detail-oriented. At work I make sure that everything is getting done that needs to be done. I keep busy. In a way, I'm a workaholic. I have difficulty surrendering control (ever notice how protective I get if I'm training someone?). In a work environment perhaps this sounds good, but when refocused with the perspective of God is always supremely in control, it doesn't make sense. It looks like I'm trying too hard. I'm refusing to give God control of every aspect of my life. I'm busy trying to do while God is patiently waiting for me to acknowledge Him and just be.

I wrote a letter to a friend a couple weeks ago and in it expressed my frustration in life and how I'm looking into several choices with my future. Here are some of the poignant parts of his response. "You don't have to be concerned with your future. God has everything in control! Dan, God wants to use you in ministry if you are willing to be obedient to Him." Speaking of his own struggle with how God might use him, he wrote, "You know, Dan, the only problem with that was I was doing instead of being. God can work through His children only if we are obedient to Him. The moment I surrendered to Him my all is when God showed me His plan for me to go to college to be a minister." And in case I still haven't heard God speaking to me through this, "We can spend our whole life in doing when all along God wants us in being with Him. . . . Are you ready right now to answer His call?"

Wasn't that one of the fundamental problems that Israel faced? God wanted a pure relationship with His chosen people. Even when they seemed to be getting it right, however, there was still the matter of the heart. Were they living based on the Law for the sake of the Law or because of their relationship with God and love for Him? At times God noted that "their heart is far from Me" (Is. 29:13). What reasons do we have for what we do? Is it truly for Christ? Often it is to do what is expected of me or in hopes of gaining what I desire or to keep from getting the consequences that I deserve. Even in the alleged "service of God" we can be doing things for the wrong reasons. Making food for the Friday night ministry became an unpleasant burden that was expected of me rather than a joy and an act of service. Going to the prayer meeting became a drudgery, a time of doing something that was expected rather than a true and open outpouring and conversation with my Lord. I felt stifled, unable even to pray what truly was on my heart. And for a while I tried to keep them up. Eventually I couldn't keep up the facade any longer; it wasn't productive or healthy or uplifting for myself or others. It has to be for the right reason or it will be offensive to God.

Hearing God's call is a fascinating topic to me. Maybe it's because I've wrestled with it pretty much since I was saved. Maybe it's because so often I feel like I still don't get it. Maybe it's because I think that slowly, by His grace, I'm starting to see it. We don't get the whole picture at once; instead God gives us a glimpse, a word, a desire and tells us to begin in faith. Did Joshua know what was ahead when God made him the leader of Israel during the conquest? Could Peter have imagined what would happen with him when he met Jesus of Nazareth? I want to know more of the picture while God is telling me to start and He'll reveal it in His timing.

This week I received a very encouraging letter from someone else as well. He wrote, "You need a faithful prayer-group. They will support you but you must be willing to go out without any support." Am I that dedicated to the call of Christ? Am I that sure of the call? And if I were to do that, would it be following God's call or doing it of my own accord, trying to push my way through? Would I be trying to make my will the same thing as God's will rather than submitting directly to His perfect will?

Even when it comes to working for God, we can do it for the wrong reasons. Am I doing it or is God doing it through me (or however else He sees fit, for the matter)? Am I building God's kingdom or my own? Who is it really about - God or myself? I confess that I fail a lot. I say that I'm letting go and giving God control, but then I reach for that last grasp of control and hold onto it for dear life. It's not about me or what I do. It's all about the Lord. I have relied on my own strength, on human means to accomplish things, but that isn't His desire. Lord, I repent and seek Your forgiveness. Father, please forgive me for these acts of selfish pride. Oh Lord, show me a better way. Show us a better way!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

something fun


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Monday, January 12, 2009

a prayer (ii)

Lord, I'm broken and confused. This past year has been beyond words in so many ways. Here I am, Lord. Whatever your will, send me.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

a prayer

Lord, You are in power, enthroned on high for all eternity. Lord, I want things to be made right. I confess that they haven't been for so long. It's beyond my control, but for You all things are possible. Please, Lord, make things right. May we be Your vessels of love and forgiveness and change.

I've been numb for so long that I barely remember what it feels like to feel things correctly. The last time I remember crying and praying like this was when Your Spirit allowed me to realize my role as a leader after the summer camp was over. I ached and cried on my drive back to Indiana, for the youth who were there, for how much they need the love of Christ continually, for how much they need to be lights in the darkness of the situations that only they will know, for the role that I had, for the many ways that I failed.

You gave me a heart of flesh. But gracious God, I gave it up in time, allowing pain and loneliness and disappointment to harden it again. Lord, I ask Your forgiveness, not on the basis of who I am or what I do or could do. I ask Your forgiveness fully knowing that I am a sinner who has chosen to sin, to separate myself from rightness with You, that I deserve nothing from You. But You had compassion on me before I even had life in my mother's womb, for You knew what would occur. Jesus Christ humbled himself by public humiliation, beatings, and death on a cross for my sake. Because of Your infinite love for mankind and the atonement of Jesus Christ who suffered death and was resurrected on the third day, I ask forgiveness. Make me a new creation as I seek You more dearly each day.

I need You, Lord. I gave up what I struggled to keep for so long. And the challenges have come so much since that time. I seek rest but find none. I fall, I fail. I stumbled and feel as though I will never be able to walk the straight and narrow path effectively. I long for a helper but find none. The struggles continually invade my life, my mind and my heart. In my weakness, old habits take over. Your power is made perfect in weakness, while my life falls apart. I become self-centered and judgmental, angry at my pain. Lord, please come and lift me up again. Show me a better way. Teach me to stand and to walk. Guide me all of my days. Be my God, my rescue, my rock, my confidant, my shield and my horn of strength. Lord, help me to come back into a right relationship with You and with others. And if it be Your will, Lord, may I be given the chance to make things right once more. Otherwise, oh Lord, please take this desire from me, for it is too much to bear. May my hope be placed in Your holy things above all else. Lord, show me a better way. Show us a better way. You alone are sovereign, alleluia.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Myopic Followers

What is the message of the Great Commission? So many believers and churches use it as a symbolic standard, a rallying cry for foreign missions. It commands and offers such a fuller view of the tasks of the Church than just foreign missions though.

In the Gospel of Matthew, Christ said, "All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

Let us compare that passage with the account recorded in the Gospel of Mark. "And He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. He who has believed and has been baptized shall be saved; but he who has disbelieved shall be condemned. These signs will accompany those who have believed: in My name they will cast out demons, they will speak with new tongues; they will pick up serpents, and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover."

There is still discussion as to whether some powers endowed by the Holy Spirit were given only to the Apostles during that era (perhaps citing Matthew 10:8). Even if we were to accept that belief and assume that the signs accompanying those who have believed apply only to those of the Apostolic era, we still have two distinct instances in Scripture where the resurrected Christ commands His followers to go and preach the gospel throughout the world and baptize those who believe. In both cases, preaching, believing and baptism are just the beginning. There is life after salvation, and Christ explained what should happen through the Church. Teach the believers to observe all that Christ commanded. When was the last time your church, or even just your pastor, took a stand to teach what Christ commanded, in total obedience? That is a difficult task, especially one to be done in love; but we cannot possibly give up on His commands or simplify them until they are no longer the challenging, radical words of the Word of God. We must stand for the faith, even if it means standing for Christ in a dangerous place.

We seldom see the discipling, the teaching when we look at these passages. We see a command to go to all nations. We see the Great Commission as the Great Go. We romanticize what it might be like as a missionary in some foreign land. We take "mission trips" to other countries, often to help construct a church building or a similar project. It's about going somewhere else to us. I am guilty of this attitude myself. Instead of seeing the broken, needy world immediately around me, I look at other parts of the world and long to work there. I long for the different customs, the different culture, the different opportunities.

And I continue to neglect the gift that is in me for these people with whom I interact every day. How is it that I feel trapped in my normal way of life, unable to extend my heart to them? How can I write so openly here and clam up at work every single day? We are nearsighted in our approach to the Great Commission. We get to the phrase "go and make disciples of all nations," and we're heading somewhere exotic. There are people who need Christ all around us, wherever we are. And if they do not have faith in Christ when they die, they will stand before God condemned of their sin and headed to hell for all eternity.

Lord, give us a renewed heart for the lost. May we see them all around us. And may Your love and mercy overflow in us to them, that they would come to faith in Jesus for their salvation. Prepare their hearts and prepare our own, oh Lord. And may Your Spirit always be our guide.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Following the Lies

I started this a while ago and have been wrestling with it since then. As always, welcome to a work in progress.

I don't know who we're deceiving - certainly not God and at times not even ourselves. We continue to act as though we are in control of everything in our lives as it suits us. Sure, we experience things that are out of our control, the effects of which we want to blame on someone else, but control is what drives us. Whether we believe that we are in control of our lives shapes who we are.

In a study done a few years ago, nursing home patients were studied for how perceived control affected their lives. Those who believed they had more control (like choosing something rather than being given it) were typically happier and even had a lower mortality rate during the study. The extent to which we believe that we can control our lives is far-reaching. Happiness, longevity, hope, satisfaction and stress are just a few aspects of our lives that rely at least in part to perceived control. This perception of control also affects how we respond to stimuli, depending on the degree to which we believe that our responses will affect the outcome.

An episode of Joel Osteen's preaching was on recently. Strangely it seemed like the same one that I noticed a week or so prior when I was flipping through the stations. Maybe the message doesn't really change. But I've digressed. Joel was speaking about how he realized one day that worrying wasn't going to help him in any way. Just like that he decided never to worry again; supposedly he hasn't looked back either. To Joel, his response to stimuli has immense consequences because he believes that what he says or thinks or does is powerful; he believes that he is ultimately in control of his circumstances.

He also went on to say that we must not speak negativity into the future. Do you really have that kind of control over your circumstances to just decide one day to completely alter your thought process and never go back to the old way? If it's just a matter that not all of us have the faith for that kind of change, in whom have we placed our faith - in the risen Christ or in ourselves? It's an area that we all need to address earnestly because rationalizing or otherwise lying to ourselves harms our relationship with God, the body of Christ, and with everyone else. Pride can often be a sin in our lives, but we seldom see the pride, only its effects. Seek out the sin in your own life and repent. Christ grants forgiveness through His death and resurrection to those who confess Him as Lord and Savior and belief in Him. But you must confess your sin and repent of it. Turn from it, and leave it.

Since the first temptation in the Garden of Eden, humans have bought into the lies of autonomy and self-sufficiency. Being like God and knowing good and evil sounds like a good start to being how God intended us to be anyhow, right? We are told that knowledge is power. But there's still the matter of volition. I can choose how I act, what I say and what I think (at least to some extent). I should be able to control whether I go to heaven or hell (if I choose to believe in their existence). Would a loving, merciful god actually send someone to hell? That argument sounds reasonable enough, and from it we might assume that control over our destiny is our own. If I want to go to heaven when I die, being "good" should be sufficient to get in because once again it all comes back to me. Therefore even if going to heaven is based on my works, I have control only to the extent that I choose how to act. Again, it's all about me, and if this god knows me, presumably he'll know when it was me consciously acting and when something controlled me - subconscious or genetics or whatever. But I'm sure there's room to slide, because it's about me and my sense of control.

We begin to slide further down this slope when we start making claims about what counts and what parts of our lives are somehow exempt. If I claim that I am not responsible for my feelings because somehow they are beyond my conscious self, though my thoughts are my own, then my feelings cannot be considered wrong. But then what is the difference between how I feel and my reaction to something if it is not premeditated? That would make it seem that I cannot sin in those areas since they are outside my conscious control. Can we feel the earth sliding out from under us yet?

Total depravity is a concept that so few of us are willing to accept, and to me that seems to be an ever-stronger argument in its favor, at least lately. Without the work of the Holy Spirit, how can anyone even see their need for salvation? What urges us to examine the gospels and to take them seriously? What makes someone's testimony poignant to us? I was so blind to my sin that I could not perceive my own wretchedness in light of a holy God. I am grateful that He considered me worthy of receiving such a gift as salvation at such a high cost to Him. But there is a way out from all of that sin - found in the work of Christ. It's not about you or me. It's about God - the Father, whose decision set in motion everything in order to free us; the Son, whose sinless life and physical death and resurrection provided a means for our salvation; and the Spirit, whose work in our lives and in the world provides for our acceptance of the free gift of salvation and the ongoing process of sanctification. Glory to God, for He is in control. Glory to God forever.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

What Does It Mean to Preach the Gospel?

The Great Commission is straightforward, isn't it? The resurrected Christ, appearing to His eleven remaining disciples, rebukes them in their unbelief and hardness of heart (Mark 16:14) and then tells them, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. He who has believed and has been baptized shall be saved; but he who has disbelieved shall be condemned. These signs will accompany those who have believed: in My name they will cast out demons, they will speak with new tongues; they will pick up serpents, and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover" (Mark 16:15-18). The command is to go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. In Matthew 28:18-20 the risen Christ also is quoted, "All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Once again, the command is clear to go throughout the entire world and to teach and preach and baptize in accordance with Christ's word.

This morning at church we finished the sermon series on the "I am" statements that Jesus Christ made as recorded in the gospel of John. The pastor was bringing his sermon to a close on the subject of Christ's claim "I am the resurrection and the life," and leading into the time of communion. The pastor ended by saying, "He is the one who says He is. . .(insert each the "I am" claims of Christ)." Yes, that is Christ. But it's not just that Jesus made those claims and performed the miracles.

The gospels record some very distinct conversations concerning Christ's identity and the importance of how we individually perceive Him. In Matthew 16 Jesus asks His disciples about who people say He is: "When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, He asked His disciples, 'Who do people say the Son of Man is?' They replied, 'Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.' 'But what about you?' He asked. 'Who do you say I am?' Simon Peter answered, 'You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.' Jesus replied, 'Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by My Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.' Then He warned his disciples not to tell anyone that He was the Christ."

From this passage we learn that Jesus identifies Himself as the Son of Man, the Son of God and the Messiah, one who has authority in heaven and on earth. Jesus clearly separates what others believe about Him from what the disciples believe about Him. Therefore we must remember that each of us is ultimately held accountable for what we believe and that there will be a day of judgment. We are told in Romans 10:9-10, "That if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation." It's not what your friends or your priest says or does or believes but what you believe and say and do. Simon Peter believed and confessed that Jesus Christ is Lord.

Let's juxtapose Peter's confession of Christ with the mocking words of Christ's accusers. The chief priests, the scribes and the elders derided Him, saying, "He saved others; He cannot save Himself. He is the King of Israel; let Him now come down from the cross, and we will believe in Him. He trusts in God; let God rescue now, if He delights in Him; for He said, 'I am the Son of God''' (Matthew 27:42-43). They contrasted Christ's claim with their own unbelief by mocking Him with His own words.

By not forthrightly claiming the tenets that Christ confessed, we distance ourselves from Him. By saying, "He is the one who says He is," rather than just saying, "He is," what are we really doing? Sure, we are relying on the authority of Christ to make the point for us. But we are robbing ourselves of the opportunity to make the great confession of our faith. What has Christ been doing in your life? Do you really believe that the Lord has given you this testimony for your own edification, or have you been entrusted with it to share with the world what Jesus Christ has done for you? Can the true gospel of Christ be preached without delving into His ongoing work? How can we separate ourselves from the gospel, from the Christ who has the power to change lives, if we seek to proclaim that same gospel? For we are each ongoing works in Christ Jesus our Lord, through whom we continue the process of sanctification.

Look at the example of the seven sons of Sceva in Acts 19. They heard of the power of the name of Jesus Christ, about whom Paul had been preaching, and they attempted to use the power. They, however, did not know Christ. Are we really preaching the gospel if we preach only what we have heard from other sources? We must know and experience the life changing power of the risen Christ if we are to proclaim it and not appear as liars and hypocrites. We are to set an example in word and deed as believers, that not only our words but also our lives would be seen as evidence of the work of our Lord. The world does not need more storytellers who know nothing of the experiences that they tell, but more people who share the knowledge of the love and grace and mercy of Christ with the world around them.