Caution: this post gets a bit ranty.
I've heard numerous times that the ministry expectancy of a campus minister is 1 1/2 to 3 years. That sounds absurdly short to me, but I can think of several examples. I can think of a few examples that buck the trend, and I will discuss those briefly as well.
By my estimation, 1 1/2 - 3 years is approximately the amount of time you often get with a group of college students. With most undergraduates taking 4-5 years to finish their degree, campus ministers typically only see part of that time to develop relationships, instruct them and send them out. I regularly attended 2 churches and 2 campus ministries during college. I had nothing to do with campus ministries my freshman year. Why? It just wasn't high on my to-do list, largely because I know why I needed it. I changed ministries and churches because I realized that it wasn't helping me get anywhere.
One Sunday morning as I sat in the church, I realized that if prayer and the Sunday duty of going to church was all of the Christian life, I didn't know how people could stand it. It was draining to do that. How could people live that way for decades?
A friend invited me to a place where I was challenged and given opportunities to learn about my faith and to take it seriously. And you know what happened? When I was challenged, I grew. I started caring more about faith. I started wanting to learn more. But I digress, sort of.
What happened there? I caught a vision of what it means to live the Christian life. I saw the love and joy in my peers and more importantly in my elders. I saw people who took seriously their faith, their personal, vital relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. I saw them live as servant-leaders. I saw them care about others coming to faith in the Lord. I saw them care about raising up mature believers and leaders. I got a vision for Christians doing life together, not just over coffee in the church basement Sunday mornings. I began to see what it means to live as a Christ-follower. I caught a sense of direction. This faith stuff has a point in this life, not just the life to come.
Now let's revisit campus ministry. College culture changes quickly. What works for one group of students very well might not be effective four years later. It's part of the challenge and nature of the work. But that doesn't mean the principles behind an effective ministry need to be continuously re-evaluated. We don't have to throw out what we learn from the Bible and reinvent our ministry every time we notice that we're losing effectiveness. But we should look for ways to keep relevant the ways we reach college students.
How do we evangelize unbelievers? We can try crusades, guest speakers, concert-like worship performances, giving away free stuff. We can hand out tracts, hold seeker services, hold evangelistic Bible studies, have religious forums to share the relevance of the Gospel to the lives of all. In all of this, it's important to ask what message our audience is receiving. Can they tell that we care about them? Do we share with them that God makes demands of our lives?
I think that often we oversimplify the Gospel when we share it. This may be why so many churches in the West have a lot of people but few who truly labor for Christ. How many go to church Sunday mornings and do whatever they want the rest of the week because they don't know and don't care beyond that? Do they know that believing in a creator god that they don't emotionally hate isn't enough to get them into heaven? Do they realize that going to heaven isn't the default? As a speaker I recently heard put it, they need to know the bad news before they can understand that the good news is good. Folks might be OK with God while not realizing that He holds their sin against them because they never sought repentance and forgiveness through faith in Jesus Christ.
It seems that a lot of campus ministers are good at one thing. They set up a ministry to reach a specific segment of college students. They often aren't that great at raising up leadership within the ministry. Now let me stop and explain that last assertion. Lots of campus ministers have student leaders and student leadership teams. Most of the time they're just the ones who've been with the ministry the longest or most often. They get a say in the small things - what activities, what kinds of outreaches, etc. But that doesn't mean that they're really being developed as leaders. Do they know how to start a Bible study on their own that's useful? Could they start a ministry if they recognized the need? Do they have the vision to reach all peoples with the Gospel? Do we really send them out when they are ready? Do we really mentor them as emerging leaders?
When that group of students leaves, are campus ministers prepared for the inevitable change? Have they considered what can be changed without forsaking the Gospel? Many just aren't that prepared to reinvent an entire ministry, even if it's necessary to reach the target population.
I believe that God calls campus ministers away from campus ministry for many reasons. Some are used to minister in other areas. Some need to grow and heal. And some just need to get the boot. I'm not saying that they're getting the boot simply because they're bad at campus ministry. Rather I would argue that some are evangelists, some teachers, some trainers. Some are great at sending out people to be new church planters and ministry leaders. We need to partner with others in ministry whose strengths are our weaknesses. And we need to cast vision for worldwide evangelization and disciple-making. We need to raise up leaders who will raise up leaders. We need to start churches that will start churches. We need people to go where we cannot. We need to give them the vision to go, to empower them with whatever they need - prayer, wisdom, knowledge, faith, etc. Are we working to give away ministry, or are we working to build up our own? I want to make myself obsolete time after time by raising up leaders and ministers who will go, who will reach out, who will do so better and further and more than I ever could.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Purpose for the Sabbath
Yesterday I was listening to a recording of Calvin's Institutes of the Christian Religion, and he made a point that really struck me. The sabbath was instituted by God for numerous reasons. It demanded that people take a day of rest each week, something we tend to dismiss in our society. It allows us the opportunity to break away from the cares that weigh us down and to focus more fully on our creator and provider. And, John Calvin's point, the sabbath points us to Christ.
Exodus 20:8 (NASB) "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy."
What does it mean for us to keep it holy? Nobody is meant to work (Ex. 20:10). Though we work for six days, there is a time for us to have faith for and accept God's provisions (Ex. 16:26, 29). Certainly the sabbath is meant to be a memorial to God's work of creation (Ex. 20:11). It is even more than that, however, being a sign of our need to rest from our works. We cannot earn our way to eternal life. Our strivings count as nothing, for we have rebelled against the sovereign God. Yet in our fallen state we try to work our way to good things, as if the good that we manage to do must simply outweigh the bad for us to be rewarded. It doesn't work that way. It never has. It never will. God is jealous and righteous and faithful. If that were the case, we would exult ourselves, determining that faith or love or obedience to God might be superfluous, becoming full of hubris (Eph. 2:8-9).
The sabbath is a way to share with others our understanding that we must rely on God. I need to humble myself before Him. Regularly I must acknowledge Him for His power, justice, righteousness, faithfulness, love. Observing the sabbath points me (and others as well) to Christ because I cease to do the works that I'd done before, and I rely on Him for all that I need. Every week we live our salvation symbolically as we acknowledge Him who alone has the power and the desire to save us.
I believe that this is an integral part of Jesus' meaning when he said, "My Father is working until now, and I Myself am working," in response to working on the sabbath (John 5:17). God can work on the sabbath, because He alone saves. We must give our strivings to God. They have always been in His control, but often we try to hold onto them, to accomplish things under our own power. May we repent of this sin and by faith seek obedience to Him in all things.
Exodus 20:8 (NASB) "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy."
What does it mean for us to keep it holy? Nobody is meant to work (Ex. 20:10). Though we work for six days, there is a time for us to have faith for and accept God's provisions (Ex. 16:26, 29). Certainly the sabbath is meant to be a memorial to God's work of creation (Ex. 20:11). It is even more than that, however, being a sign of our need to rest from our works. We cannot earn our way to eternal life. Our strivings count as nothing, for we have rebelled against the sovereign God. Yet in our fallen state we try to work our way to good things, as if the good that we manage to do must simply outweigh the bad for us to be rewarded. It doesn't work that way. It never has. It never will. God is jealous and righteous and faithful. If that were the case, we would exult ourselves, determining that faith or love or obedience to God might be superfluous, becoming full of hubris (Eph. 2:8-9).
The sabbath is a way to share with others our understanding that we must rely on God. I need to humble myself before Him. Regularly I must acknowledge Him for His power, justice, righteousness, faithfulness, love. Observing the sabbath points me (and others as well) to Christ because I cease to do the works that I'd done before, and I rely on Him for all that I need. Every week we live our salvation symbolically as we acknowledge Him who alone has the power and the desire to save us.
I believe that this is an integral part of Jesus' meaning when he said, "My Father is working until now, and I Myself am working," in response to working on the sabbath (John 5:17). God can work on the sabbath, because He alone saves. We must give our strivings to God. They have always been in His control, but often we try to hold onto them, to accomplish things under our own power. May we repent of this sin and by faith seek obedience to Him in all things.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
South Carolina
I know it's been a while since I last updated here. In short, the spring semester was very busy, and this blog wasn't near the top of my Important Stuff list.
I've been in South Carolina for three Sundays already. Twice I went to a conservative PCA church. It felt normal. They worship God earnestly. It was by no means unwelcoming - a group of folks my age invited me for lunch after the service, and a couple of them even were willing to spread the word that I was looking for work. Yet it just felt.... average. Maybe it's just that I'm not really Presbyterian. I'm seeking a place with challenging love and teaching, where the church has a vision for reaching out and fulfilling the Great Commission locally and to the farthest reaches of the earth.
Today I visited a nondenominational community church near Irmo. The building appeared to be rather new. Walking inside, I was greeted casually. Large, easy-to-read signage pointed to the auditorium, kid sign-in/drop-off, etc. The auditorium was filled with rows of padded chairs. It felt slightly utilitarian but welcoming, like they were deconstructing church for the sake of visitors. I don't mean that to sound as harsh as perhaps it does, but this was a recurring theme.
The bulletin was essentially a church brochure. There's a paragraph describing the general order of a service, a few blurbs about upcoming events (in a couple months, _____ will happen), but most of the paper tells me general information about what to expect and what's available. Unfortunately I don't see details. When specifically do the teens or small groups meet? How do I get involved in anything besides going to the church website? If I return to that church, I think I'll skip the promo literature next time. It's oriented to the first-time church comer.
The pastor's message was on introducing people to Jesus based on Levi and Jesus' interaction in Luke 5. The congregation read the verses together on two projector screens. I like unified reading. Cool. As for the message, it was very heavy on story, both personal and in terms of adding to the Scripture passage. If you want to infer things, meh. Often it doesn't significantly add anything useful (the Holy Spirit did know exactly what should be given to us for teaching and living as He inspired the authors of the Bible, and He continues to apply its truth in our lives and minds and hearts).
The teaching was solid. He called for action (even if he did emphasize taking very small steps rather than taking whatever steps the Holy Spirit directs you to take). He shared how he personally faced that kind of situation. But it wasn't deep. The message could have been shared as-is with middle schoolers, and they'd get it. A visitor with no connection to Christianity could completely understand and not be offended by any part of the message.
While it's great to have churches that care substantially about reaching the lost and giving them a place to call home, where they can learn about and experience Christianity, it also plays into a question posed by Alan on his blog: What is the purpose of the church, specifically when we gather for corporate worship? Is corporate teaching and prayer and worship for the sinner or the saved? I will contend that churches need to be living, growing communities of faith, welcoming and nourishing to those who visit. But the visitor is just that - a visitor. It is imperative that we come together for the good of the body. Let's prepare people, disciple them, teach them to keep all of Christ's commands and send them out to do likewise.
What happens when the storms of life come and overwhelm our house build upon the rock at the shore? The foundation may be firm, but we will get wet. And after a while, we might go looking for something else. I want to know and experience God. I want my faith to be built on a trustworthy foundation. I want to be able to faithfully withstand anything. Are we really helping believers to mature if our message is that people come together for parties. Therefore Levi threw a party to introduce people to Jesus. Go out and introduce someone to Jesus. Fine, but that's all you're teaching for the week? Really? How is that helping people to obey all that Christ commands?
Growth certainly has an experiential aspect to it, but Jesus repeatedly took the time and effort to reveal what the Scriptures said and applied it. For a wonderful example, read Luke 24:15-27. That sounds pretty in-depth. The writer of Hebrews lamented over the audience's spiritual immaturity as evidenced by their need for basic teaching (5:12). Are we fulfilling our responsibility to teach others to be disciples who are mature and obedient to all that Christ commands? We need to be.
I've been in South Carolina for three Sundays already. Twice I went to a conservative PCA church. It felt normal. They worship God earnestly. It was by no means unwelcoming - a group of folks my age invited me for lunch after the service, and a couple of them even were willing to spread the word that I was looking for work. Yet it just felt.... average. Maybe it's just that I'm not really Presbyterian. I'm seeking a place with challenging love and teaching, where the church has a vision for reaching out and fulfilling the Great Commission locally and to the farthest reaches of the earth.
Today I visited a nondenominational community church near Irmo. The building appeared to be rather new. Walking inside, I was greeted casually. Large, easy-to-read signage pointed to the auditorium, kid sign-in/drop-off, etc. The auditorium was filled with rows of padded chairs. It felt slightly utilitarian but welcoming, like they were deconstructing church for the sake of visitors. I don't mean that to sound as harsh as perhaps it does, but this was a recurring theme.
The bulletin was essentially a church brochure. There's a paragraph describing the general order of a service, a few blurbs about upcoming events (in a couple months, _____ will happen), but most of the paper tells me general information about what to expect and what's available. Unfortunately I don't see details. When specifically do the teens or small groups meet? How do I get involved in anything besides going to the church website? If I return to that church, I think I'll skip the promo literature next time. It's oriented to the first-time church comer.
The pastor's message was on introducing people to Jesus based on Levi and Jesus' interaction in Luke 5. The congregation read the verses together on two projector screens. I like unified reading. Cool. As for the message, it was very heavy on story, both personal and in terms of adding to the Scripture passage. If you want to infer things, meh. Often it doesn't significantly add anything useful (the Holy Spirit did know exactly what should be given to us for teaching and living as He inspired the authors of the Bible, and He continues to apply its truth in our lives and minds and hearts).
The teaching was solid. He called for action (even if he did emphasize taking very small steps rather than taking whatever steps the Holy Spirit directs you to take). He shared how he personally faced that kind of situation. But it wasn't deep. The message could have been shared as-is with middle schoolers, and they'd get it. A visitor with no connection to Christianity could completely understand and not be offended by any part of the message.
While it's great to have churches that care substantially about reaching the lost and giving them a place to call home, where they can learn about and experience Christianity, it also plays into a question posed by Alan on his blog: What is the purpose of the church, specifically when we gather for corporate worship? Is corporate teaching and prayer and worship for the sinner or the saved? I will contend that churches need to be living, growing communities of faith, welcoming and nourishing to those who visit. But the visitor is just that - a visitor. It is imperative that we come together for the good of the body. Let's prepare people, disciple them, teach them to keep all of Christ's commands and send them out to do likewise.
What happens when the storms of life come and overwhelm our house build upon the rock at the shore? The foundation may be firm, but we will get wet. And after a while, we might go looking for something else. I want to know and experience God. I want my faith to be built on a trustworthy foundation. I want to be able to faithfully withstand anything. Are we really helping believers to mature if our message is that people come together for parties. Therefore Levi threw a party to introduce people to Jesus. Go out and introduce someone to Jesus. Fine, but that's all you're teaching for the week? Really? How is that helping people to obey all that Christ commands?
Growth certainly has an experiential aspect to it, but Jesus repeatedly took the time and effort to reveal what the Scriptures said and applied it. For a wonderful example, read Luke 24:15-27. That sounds pretty in-depth. The writer of Hebrews lamented over the audience's spiritual immaturity as evidenced by their need for basic teaching (5:12). Are we fulfilling our responsibility to teach others to be disciples who are mature and obedient to all that Christ commands? We need to be.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Revisiting Holy Week part 1
I'm still wrestling with what to do with contemplative Christianity. To some extent I agree with reformers like John Calvin who detested icons and statues and images in a house of worship to the Lord. I also have an uneasiness about "emptying the mind/soul" and using "spiritual aids" like prayer labyrinths. However, I think that it is good to take time away from what we consider regular life to meet with God, to converse with Him and to dwell with ever more focus on His teachings, to live out the love and grace that He alone can provide and to grow in our sanctification. Our goal is to be like our Savior - to be transformed into Christlikeness, following His teachings and commands to "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself" (Luke 10:27). This includes "going to all nations and making disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and teaching them to obey all that He has commanded" (Matt. 28:19-20).
It is a worthy endeavor to think upon the life and purpose of Jesus Christ. The Gospels spend substantial time relating the events of Passion Week. By meditating on the holy word given to us through the Spirit, we can seek to be transformed by that same Spirit, to be more like our Savior. However we must be careful to live this out not only in our minds but in all parts of our lives - with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. Lord, may we live this out fully in our lives by Your grace. Deliver us from temptation and help us to live for You in real and concrete ways all the days of our lives.
Here is a brief look at the events of the weekend that included Palm Sunday. May it lead us ever closer to our Savior.
Likely after sunset on Friday before Passion Week, Jesus and his disciples arrived at the home of Mary, Martha and Lazarus at Bethany. This would be their home base until the following Thursday.
Over the weekend, the group is invited to dine at the residence of Simon the Leper. While there, Mary pours out a jar of pure nard on Jesus' head and feet, which Jesus sees as a symbolic preparation for his burial. Judas claims that the cost of the perfume could have been given to the poor, and in John's account Judas' flawed character is first noted.
On Palm Sunday, Jesus sent two disciples into Jerusalem to acquire a donkey's colt for him to ride into town. They found everything as Jesus predicted. Jesus rode into Jerusalem triumphantly on the colt to the praise and adoration of the crowds, who see him as the miracle-worker who raised Lazarus from the dead, a mighty healer, and the Son of David. His triumphal entry marks the fulfillment of Is. 62:11-12, Zech. 9:9 and the beginning action of Ezek. 44:2. The crowds put their cloaks and palm branches on the path for him and shout, "Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father David! Hosanna in the highest!" (Mark 11:9-10). Here Jesus begins to fulfill Ps. 118:15-29. In the city, Jesus went to the temple and performed his final healing ministry before his crucifixion. The chief priests and teachers of the law are offended by the crowds' response to Jesus and seek to rebuke him. That night Jesus and his disciples return to Bethany.
It is a worthy endeavor to think upon the life and purpose of Jesus Christ. The Gospels spend substantial time relating the events of Passion Week. By meditating on the holy word given to us through the Spirit, we can seek to be transformed by that same Spirit, to be more like our Savior. However we must be careful to live this out not only in our minds but in all parts of our lives - with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. Lord, may we live this out fully in our lives by Your grace. Deliver us from temptation and help us to live for You in real and concrete ways all the days of our lives.
Here is a brief look at the events of the weekend that included Palm Sunday. May it lead us ever closer to our Savior.
Likely after sunset on Friday before Passion Week, Jesus and his disciples arrived at the home of Mary, Martha and Lazarus at Bethany. This would be their home base until the following Thursday.
Over the weekend, the group is invited to dine at the residence of Simon the Leper. While there, Mary pours out a jar of pure nard on Jesus' head and feet, which Jesus sees as a symbolic preparation for his burial. Judas claims that the cost of the perfume could have been given to the poor, and in John's account Judas' flawed character is first noted.
On Palm Sunday, Jesus sent two disciples into Jerusalem to acquire a donkey's colt for him to ride into town. They found everything as Jesus predicted. Jesus rode into Jerusalem triumphantly on the colt to the praise and adoration of the crowds, who see him as the miracle-worker who raised Lazarus from the dead, a mighty healer, and the Son of David. His triumphal entry marks the fulfillment of Is. 62:11-12, Zech. 9:9 and the beginning action of Ezek. 44:2. The crowds put their cloaks and palm branches on the path for him and shout, "Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father David! Hosanna in the highest!" (Mark 11:9-10). Here Jesus begins to fulfill Ps. 118:15-29. In the city, Jesus went to the temple and performed his final healing ministry before his crucifixion. The chief priests and teachers of the law are offended by the crowds' response to Jesus and seek to rebuke him. That night Jesus and his disciples return to Bethany.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Vulnerability, Being "Truefaced", Genuine
I've been reading a couple of books for classes lately that have been dealing with how we as believers interact and share the gospel. One of the points that was made several times and has shown itself important in my life lately is the need to be honest and vulnerable with others. It's time for the facade to disappear. Why do we submit an unrealistic portrait of ourselves to the watching world? Believers don't have everything figured out. I'm broken, a sinner saved by the grace of God through faith in Jesus Christ, a saint by merit of that same grace. I'm unsure of myself; I question God sometimes; I view myself as weak, especially in certain areas like meeting new people. But so many people don't get to see the weakness, as if it shouldn't be there. Yet God declares that His power is made perfect in (our) weakness and that His grace is sufficient for us (2 Cor 12:9). If we truly believe that, we need to be putting that faith into action and allowing the Spirit of God to use us and to conform us to His image.
Sometimes evangelism is straightforward. We have an international bible study with quite a few nonbelievers who have little exposure to Christianity. We can tell them about Jesus, who He is, what He's done, why that's important and what difference it makes. But we also can and should share our love with them. We can take them places, befriend them, show them that we're human too. It's important to share a level of self-disclosure with them. It helps them to see who we are and what Christ does in our individual lives.
After all, isn't it important that believers are witnesses not just of the history of God's interaction with humankind but, importantly, His interaction in our own lives? Is a witness one who declares what has been, as a historian, or is it a person who experienced something and shares/recounts that experience with others? If we lead detached lives, detached friendships, detached ministries, we are refusing to show people God's greatest gift in our own lives - His salvation that He has given us. Not every moment calls for us to share our testimony with others, and likewise not every moment calls for us to share Scripture. We need to be fluent in sharing both experience and God's word. Experience does not trump Scripture, but a changed life is a great thing to share. Do we root that changed life in the revelation of God or should a changed life be all the evidence a person needs to recognize Christ, repent and believe and persevere in the faith? If experience were all, there would not be a need for the Word of God. But having it, we should be reading it, learning and applying it appropriately. For we know, "All Scripture is God-breathed, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be perfected, thoroughly furnished to every good work" (2 Tim. 3:16-17).
Who am I to others? Who are you? What are you trying to let people see, and what are they really seeing when they look at you? Are you willing to appear undignified for the sake of Christ? Are you willing to show that you can be vulnerable or that you don't have it all together? Which is more important to you: self-image or doing what it takes to "gain the more" as the apostle Paul wrote in 1 Cor. 9:19-22? It's time to be a willing vessel for the Lord to use so that His glory would be proclaimed and that salvation would come to the ends of the earth. Would you die to yourself daily if that's what it takes? Jesus demands no less (Luke 9:23).
Sometimes evangelism is straightforward. We have an international bible study with quite a few nonbelievers who have little exposure to Christianity. We can tell them about Jesus, who He is, what He's done, why that's important and what difference it makes. But we also can and should share our love with them. We can take them places, befriend them, show them that we're human too. It's important to share a level of self-disclosure with them. It helps them to see who we are and what Christ does in our individual lives.
After all, isn't it important that believers are witnesses not just of the history of God's interaction with humankind but, importantly, His interaction in our own lives? Is a witness one who declares what has been, as a historian, or is it a person who experienced something and shares/recounts that experience with others? If we lead detached lives, detached friendships, detached ministries, we are refusing to show people God's greatest gift in our own lives - His salvation that He has given us. Not every moment calls for us to share our testimony with others, and likewise not every moment calls for us to share Scripture. We need to be fluent in sharing both experience and God's word. Experience does not trump Scripture, but a changed life is a great thing to share. Do we root that changed life in the revelation of God or should a changed life be all the evidence a person needs to recognize Christ, repent and believe and persevere in the faith? If experience were all, there would not be a need for the Word of God. But having it, we should be reading it, learning and applying it appropriately. For we know, "All Scripture is God-breathed, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be perfected, thoroughly furnished to every good work" (2 Tim. 3:16-17).
Who am I to others? Who are you? What are you trying to let people see, and what are they really seeing when they look at you? Are you willing to appear undignified for the sake of Christ? Are you willing to show that you can be vulnerable or that you don't have it all together? Which is more important to you: self-image or doing what it takes to "gain the more" as the apostle Paul wrote in 1 Cor. 9:19-22? It's time to be a willing vessel for the Lord to use so that His glory would be proclaimed and that salvation would come to the ends of the earth. Would you die to yourself daily if that's what it takes? Jesus demands no less (Luke 9:23).
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Dealing with Anger
To say that I've been stressed, frustrated, angry lately would be, unfortunately, understatements. Talking about it hasn't helped. Leaving the situation for a couple days didn't help. In fact, it might have made it worse. What can I do? I have failed so many times this past week in my anger. And perhaps because of my anger, I have failed in other areas. I don't know what to do other than to find a way to extricate myself from the conditions that have brought on such anger. But does that really solve the underlying vulnerability to anger? It seems like that is something that must be dealt with, but how?
I'm at my breaking point - emotionally, mentally, physically. I'm tired of being tired, of not sleeping well, of feeling like crap. Usually when I don't sleep well and feel bad long enough, I start to come to God. And we get things straightened out. God feels so distant this time. And it's so hard... In short, I still feel broken. And powerless. And stuck, oh how stuck I feel. And useless. I can't relax enough to even have a conversation with God. I've tried and given up. If this is testing, I cannot fathom the purpose of the test. If this is redemptive suffering, great. But I'm already saved by grace through Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. Is it to bear witness to others through my circumstances? I know not the point of going through this. But I can be relatively sure that it's shortening my lifespan. The stress response affects my body, affects my blood vessels. But it's not about self-preservation. It's affecting my life, my relationships, who I am and how I share that with others.
Father, I can't get out of this on my own. Circumstances surround me, try to hold me down. I slip backwards into depression and anger. How can I share your love with others when it seems to vanish from my own presence? Fill my cup, oh Lord. Let it overflow. You know exactly what I need. In my brokenness and weakness, You are strong, and Your strength shines through. Lord, I need You. I feel like I'm falling to pieces. I would love to have a new place to live, a place that I can afford, close to friends, where I can relax when I come home, study and do schoolwork, prepare for ministries, and have people come over. I don't think I can do this commuting thing for another semester, dealing with all the little things too. But it feels like things just aren't finished in Indiana. If I leave here now, I leave my church, my friends, bible study, the job that you provided me that I'm still waiting to start. I don't have the money to move to South Carolina yet or a way to find an apartment there. I know that You can take care of all of that for me. But it doesn't seem like I'm supposed to leave here yet. What am I supposed to do? Where can I go but to You? Lord, be my Provider again. Prepare me for this semester, that even in studying I would glorify You, my Lord and my Father. Help me to overcome anger, depression and frustration. And help me to be satisfied with your provision in my life. I need You. I need You so much. I need You to fill the void in my heart and in my life. I'm tired, and tired of feeling frustrated. I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of getting my heart trampled on when I'm looking even just for friendship or occasional sympathy. I don't want to be a bitter person. But so many things are pushing me down the path that I don't want to go. And I've already fallen down that path. Lord, I need You! I need You to pull me out, to rescue me! I need You to make this life worth living. I am empty. I have nothing left to give to others. I can't stand for ministry to be rote. I need Your love in my life. I need to rely on You. I need an escape from what keeps me bound. I need a rescue, oh God. Please, rescue me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-v91MIT4GEg
I'm at my breaking point - emotionally, mentally, physically. I'm tired of being tired, of not sleeping well, of feeling like crap. Usually when I don't sleep well and feel bad long enough, I start to come to God. And we get things straightened out. God feels so distant this time. And it's so hard... In short, I still feel broken. And powerless. And stuck, oh how stuck I feel. And useless. I can't relax enough to even have a conversation with God. I've tried and given up. If this is testing, I cannot fathom the purpose of the test. If this is redemptive suffering, great. But I'm already saved by grace through Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. Is it to bear witness to others through my circumstances? I know not the point of going through this. But I can be relatively sure that it's shortening my lifespan. The stress response affects my body, affects my blood vessels. But it's not about self-preservation. It's affecting my life, my relationships, who I am and how I share that with others.
Father, I can't get out of this on my own. Circumstances surround me, try to hold me down. I slip backwards into depression and anger. How can I share your love with others when it seems to vanish from my own presence? Fill my cup, oh Lord. Let it overflow. You know exactly what I need. In my brokenness and weakness, You are strong, and Your strength shines through. Lord, I need You. I feel like I'm falling to pieces. I would love to have a new place to live, a place that I can afford, close to friends, where I can relax when I come home, study and do schoolwork, prepare for ministries, and have people come over. I don't think I can do this commuting thing for another semester, dealing with all the little things too. But it feels like things just aren't finished in Indiana. If I leave here now, I leave my church, my friends, bible study, the job that you provided me that I'm still waiting to start. I don't have the money to move to South Carolina yet or a way to find an apartment there. I know that You can take care of all of that for me. But it doesn't seem like I'm supposed to leave here yet. What am I supposed to do? Where can I go but to You? Lord, be my Provider again. Prepare me for this semester, that even in studying I would glorify You, my Lord and my Father. Help me to overcome anger, depression and frustration. And help me to be satisfied with your provision in my life. I need You. I need You so much. I need You to fill the void in my heart and in my life. I'm tired, and tired of feeling frustrated. I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of getting my heart trampled on when I'm looking even just for friendship or occasional sympathy. I don't want to be a bitter person. But so many things are pushing me down the path that I don't want to go. And I've already fallen down that path. Lord, I need You! I need You to pull me out, to rescue me! I need You to make this life worth living. I am empty. I have nothing left to give to others. I can't stand for ministry to be rote. I need Your love in my life. I need to rely on You. I need an escape from what keeps me bound. I need a rescue, oh God. Please, rescue me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-v91MIT4GEg
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Proverbs 27:19
Proverbs 27:19 fascinates me. I've seen it true so many times. Also there's quite a spin on interpretation when reading some versions.
19As in water face reflects face, So the heart of man reflects man. (NASB)
19 Like face looking at face in water, so are the hearts of men to one another. (BBE)
19 As in water face answereth to face, So the heart of man to man. (ASV)
19 You see your face in a mirror and your thoughts in the minds of others. (CEV)
19 As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man. (ESV)
19 As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man. (NIV)
19 As water reflects the face, so one human heart reflects another (NRSV, if memory serves right)
Maybe I'm just being too reflective. It happens when I have more time and less to do than I can handle. Ok, enough reflecting on here since I'm not going to do a complete mindspew anyway.
19As in water face reflects face, So the heart of man reflects man. (NASB)
19 Like face looking at face in water, so are the hearts of men to one another. (BBE)
19 As in water face answereth to face, So the heart of man to man. (ASV)
19 You see your face in a mirror and your thoughts in the minds of others. (CEV)
19 As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man. (ESV)
19 As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man. (NIV)
19 As water reflects the face, so one human heart reflects another (NRSV, if memory serves right)
Maybe I'm just being too reflective. It happens when I have more time and less to do than I can handle. Ok, enough reflecting on here since I'm not going to do a complete mindspew anyway.
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