Vulnerability, Being "Truefaced", Genuine

I've been reading a couple of books for classes lately that have been dealing with how we as believers interact and share the gospel. One of the points that was made several times and has shown itself important in my life lately is the need to be honest and vulnerable with others. It's time for the facade to disappear. Why do we submit an unrealistic portrait of ourselves to the watching world? Believers don't have everything figured out. I'm broken, a sinner saved by the grace of God through faith in Jesus Christ, a saint by merit of that same grace. I'm unsure of myself; I question God sometimes; I view myself as weak, especially in certain areas like meeting new people. But so many people don't get to see the weakness, as if it shouldn't be there. Yet God declares that His power is made perfect in (our) weakness and that His grace is sufficient for us (2 Cor 12:9). If we truly believe that, we need to be putting that faith into action and allowing the Spirit of God to use us and to conform us to His image.

Sometimes evangelism is straightforward. We have an international bible study with quite a few nonbelievers who have little exposure to Christianity. We can tell them about Jesus, who He is, what He's done, why that's important and what difference it makes. But we also can and should share our love with them. We can take them places, befriend them, show them that we're human too. It's important to share a level of self-disclosure with them. It helps them to see who we are and what Christ does in our individual lives.

After all, isn't it important that believers are witnesses not just of the history of God's interaction with humankind but, importantly, His interaction in our own lives? Is a witness one who declares what has been, as a historian, or is it a person who experienced something and shares/recounts that experience with others? If we lead detached lives, detached friendships, detached ministries, we are refusing to show people God's greatest gift in our own lives - His salvation that He has given us. Not every moment calls for us to share our testimony with others, and likewise not every moment calls for us to share Scripture. We need to be fluent in sharing both experience and God's word. Experience does not trump Scripture, but a changed life is a great thing to share. Do we root that changed life in the revelation of God or should a changed life be all the evidence a person needs to recognize Christ, repent and believe and persevere in the faith? If experience were all, there would not be a need for the Word of God. But having it, we should be reading it, learning and applying it appropriately. For we know, "All Scripture is God-breathed, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be perfected, thoroughly furnished to every good work" (2 Tim. 3:16-17).

Who am I to others? Who are you? What are you trying to let people see, and what are they really seeing when they look at you? Are you willing to appear undignified for the sake of Christ? Are you willing to show that you can be vulnerable or that you don't have it all together? Which is more important to you: self-image or doing what it takes to "gain the more" as the apostle Paul wrote in 1 Cor. 9:19-22? It's time to be a willing vessel for the Lord to use so that His glory would be proclaimed and that salvation would come to the ends of the earth. Would you die to yourself daily if that's what it takes? Jesus demands no less (Luke 9:23).

Dealing with Anger

To say that I've been stressed, frustrated, angry lately would be, unfortunately, understatements. Talking about it hasn't helped. Leaving the situation for a couple days didn't help. In fact, it might have made it worse. What can I do? I have failed so many times this past week in my anger. And perhaps because of my anger, I have failed in other areas. I don't know what to do other than to find a way to extricate myself from the conditions that have brought on such anger. But does that really solve the underlying vulnerability to anger? It seems like that is something that must be dealt with, but how?

I'm at my breaking point - emotionally, mentally, physically. I'm tired of being tired, of not sleeping well, of feeling like crap. Usually when I don't sleep well and feel bad long enough, I start to come to God. And we get things straightened out. God feels so distant this time. And it's so hard... In short, I still feel broken. And powerless. And stuck, oh how stuck I feel. And useless. I can't relax enough to even have a conversation with God. I've tried and given up. If this is testing, I cannot fathom the purpose of the test. If this is redemptive suffering, great. But I'm already saved by grace through Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. Is it to bear witness to others through my circumstances? I know not the point of going through this. But I can be relatively sure that it's shortening my lifespan. The stress response affects my body, affects my blood vessels. But it's not about self-preservation. It's affecting my life, my relationships, who I am and how I share that with others.

Father, I can't get out of this on my own. Circumstances surround me, try to hold me down. I slip backwards into depression and anger. How can I share your love with others when it seems to vanish from my own presence? Fill my cup, oh Lord. Let it overflow. You know exactly what I need. In my brokenness and weakness, You are strong, and Your strength shines through. Lord, I need You. I feel like I'm falling to pieces. I would love to have a new place to live, a place that I can afford, close to friends, where I can relax when I come home, study and do schoolwork, prepare for ministries, and have people come over. I don't think I can do this commuting thing for another semester, dealing with all the little things too. But it feels like things just aren't finished in Indiana. If I leave here now, I leave my church, my friends, bible study, the job that you provided me that I'm still waiting to start. I don't have the money to move to South Carolina yet or a way to find an apartment there. I know that You can take care of all of that for me. But it doesn't seem like I'm supposed to leave here yet. What am I supposed to do? Where can I go but to You? Lord, be my Provider again. Prepare me for this semester, that even in studying I would glorify You, my Lord and my Father. Help me to overcome anger, depression and frustration. And help me to be satisfied with your provision in my life. I need You. I need You so much. I need You to fill the void in my heart and in my life. I'm tired, and tired of feeling frustrated. I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of getting my heart trampled on when I'm looking even just for friendship or occasional sympathy. I don't want to be a bitter person. But so many things are pushing me down the path that I don't want to go. And I've already fallen down that path. Lord, I need You! I need You to pull me out, to rescue me! I need You to make this life worth living. I am empty. I have nothing left to give to others. I can't stand for ministry to be rote. I need Your love in my life. I need to rely on You. I need an escape from what keeps me bound. I need a rescue, oh God. Please, rescue me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-v91MIT4GEg